"Excuse Me, Miss"

Excuse me, Miss—

I couldn’t help but overhear

Your arbitrary commentary

About Hispanic girls and

Teen pregnancy.

You said that the culture

Feeds breeding

Through the imagery of

The Madonna

And the Prostitute.

I felt like a drowning victim.

Helpless: So helpless.

Grasping for something to hold on to;

Knowing that I may perish

In this maelstrom of words.

Mind screaming,

Overwhelmed.

Do I fight against the current

Of your ignorance?

Do I let it stand?

My mouth opens.

I speak simple words

To politely inform you

Of my proud heritage and my

Teen mom status.

No doubt,

Feeding into your stereotype.

When you failed to apologize,

I let it slide.

And as you walked away

Those words left unspoken

Screamed their fury

Along the corridors of my mind.

I am Latina!

Or “White Hispanic” if you must dispute

My complexion.

No, I was not raised in “the culture,”

But the blood runs deep

And roots don’t lie.

I am mother to a child

Conceived on a basement couch

At seventeen.

And no, it was NOT an accident…

But it became she

And she is beautiful.

Dark honey curls and

Shrill laughter.

My “happily ever after”.

And I am so tired of the

Mainstream banter

That tells me

How to see myself.

How dare you generalize,

Marginalize,

And despise

Other women?

Between our hips lies

The cradle of civilization.

Black, White, Brown, Yellow

Or any shade in between;

We are the keepers of life

And dreams.

So how dare you spill your hate?!!

And how dare I

Let you walk away…?

----------

I am posting this because the racist comments that triggered this poem came out of the mouth of a future teacher. God help us and our children.

Genere Reflection #1: Freeverse Poetry

To Teach, Or Not To Teach?

To teach, or not to teach?

 That is the question – 

And after witnessing your prickly display

 With your substitute last week, 

I may or may not be on the fence.

Is it nobler to take up your novel 

And succumb to literary tyranny

Or fight against this outrage

To preserve your concept of “respect”?

To sit, to read, to implore…. 

Or to stage a mutiny upon the classroom floor?

I see the agony of the choice color your brow.

The dilemma is intense.

After all, this little biddy is so out-of-touch, 

She probably thinks that Pluto is still a planet.

Dammit! You won’t take that tone.

Not from your homeboy,

Not from that cute blonde in first period, 

And certainly not from a senior citizen in a mauve cardigan!

You are “livid” – Erm…. That is: 

Enraged, mad as a hornet, or, if you prefer:

Pissed….

You feel like you’ve been dissed 

And there is nothing worse in your world 

Than disrespect.

So you let her have it!

You pile upon her shoulders the anger 

That has built throughout your academic life.

She is the enemy;

Annihilation is key.

In her face, you see 

All the people who let you down,

The disparity of your race, 

And the frustration of your troubled youth.

Can I give you a word of advice?

Stop seeing “the man” in every pale face;

Start seeing the potential in your own.

Stop frontin’.

Harness your passion; 

Put your tough mind into action. 

“Every problem you had before this day

Is now done.”¹

Has no one told you?

You are the Master of your Fate.

So put your big-kid pants on.

You’ve only got to deal with this lady

For another forty minutes.

Whereas, I will maneuver such episodes

For another forty years.

No, I’m not crazy.

Or maybe I am.

Would me having a questionable mental state

Beseech you to behave?

I’m kidding!

But really, sit down.

Page 20—

We’ve got text to dissect. 

^{1 A direct quote from the song “From Murder to Excellence” by Kanye West.}

^{This piece regards a heated moment between one of my freshmen boys and a substitute teacher.}  

Tips for Coping with Stress and Maintaining Something that Resembles Sanity

Thanks for the love, ladies!

More news about Lexicon will definitely come as I gain more experience with the program. My CT will introduce the program to me at the same time that she introduces it to her students.  I have had experience with similar programs in the past and I am sure that I will catch on quickly.  Any issues that would arise would probably be due to log-ins that do not work or a technology glitch.  Having extra equipment available and the ability to create new log-ins would remedy those issues.

Yes, I have a lot on my plate, but I have been doing this for the past three years so my mind and body have adjusted. However, I have discovered that my biggest stress relief tips include:

- Know when to stop and rest!  There have been times when I have run myself down so badly that I have literally passed out on my keyboard while writing papers [Example: Core I FERs; I still shudder]. If you are that far gone, go to bed!  No one does good work when they are exhausted; that paper will still be there in the morning.

- Realize that caffeine is actually the enemy. Since I recently weened myself off of my morning coffee addiction, I have discovered that I am more alert and more energetic. Seriously!  Too much caffeine puts your body into panic mode and causes you to feel more stressed. The sweaty palms, racing mind, and pounding heartbeat may be due to that cup of Seattle's Best and not your 680 article review.

- Plan ahead.  Sounds lame and obvious, but it will save you from mindlessly popping ibuprofen as you fight to crank out a last minute assignment.  I keep a day planner where I write down every thing that I must do and when it must be done by.  This keeps my mind focused on what must be done and it actually makes me feel more secure because I feel like I have a clear agenda.

- Take time to reconnect with yourself. I have moments spaced throughout the week when I get to just enjoy myself. A quick episode of a favorite television show, sneaking in a few chapters of recreational reading, ten minutes of peace with my journal, etc. Let's just say that these moments of solitude are what I live for most days and they are more meaningful because they are limited.

- Turn on the radio!  I am always rushing all around town to get to all the places where I have to be [i.g, baby's daycare, my PST placement, school, and work]. Music fills that mundane time with joy.  I actually look forward to my commute because I know that it will be uninterrupted jam time.  The music leaves me feeling rejuvenated when I reach my destination.

- Detox your life.  If you are in a stressful relationship or environment, leave. Get rid of the poisonous aspects of your life and you will feel lighter and happier.  I realized this after two and a half years in an abusive romantic relationship.  When I finally realized that my partner was the source of about 80% of the stress in my life, I got out quick and I never looked back; my life is much happier and my stress is more manageable as a result. 

- Keep a reasonably clean house.   It has been scientifically proven that cluttered/dirty homes cause mental chaos. If you walk into a messy environment, your brain immediately feels stressed.  I am not saying that your home needs to look like a museum; it just needs to be tidy enough for you to walk in and feel a surge of joy to be home. No one wants to come home to heaps of laundry and sandy carpet.

- Smile. A. Lot. : )  Smiling releases chemicals in your brain that make you feel GOOD.  Think of smiles as Mother Nature's crack.... Only without the astronomical cost, the hideous side effects, and the illicit status. I smile so much on stressful days that my face actually hurts.

- Be passionate about what you are doing. I would not be able to do all that I do if I did not want it so badly. You can't fake your way to success.   You have to really love what you are striving for. In my case, I feel strongly about being a good parent, a good worker, a good teacher, and a good friend.  As a result, I am successful because I put so much of myself into all that I do.

I hope that my stress tips are helpful.  Feel free to share your own tips with me.

On-line Reflection #2: Life at Redken

Well, my fellow PSTs [Pre-Student Teachers], my teaching adventure at Redken is now officially underway.  I am loving the school's climate: the staff and the students are wonderful. I could definitely see myself teaching there one day. My CT [Cooperating Teacher] is very supportive and is quick to give advice [which I appreciate].

[**For the purpose of discussing my experiences with my CT this semester, I will refer to her under the pseudonym Mrs. Annette]

I am currently working with two of Mrs. Annette's classes.  Redken has a block schedule of red [odd; classes 1,3,5, and 7] and white days [even; classes 2,4,6, and 8].  I work with Mrs. Annette's 1st and 2nd block classes, so I am at Redken five days a week from about 7:40 am to 9:30 am. I realize that this is beyond the requirements for PST, but I am hungry for all of the teaching experience that I can get.  I see the extra time at Redken as a valuable learning oppertunity that will help me in my professional development.

On red days [1st block], I work with a Freshman Language class.  This is a specially designed class that was created to provide extra support for students who struggle with their reading skills.  All of the students in this classroom were placed in  the class due to their reading test scores.  Mrs.  Annette explained that all of the students are significantly behind in reading and writing; they have reading scores that range from 1st to 3rd grade. The language classroom is completely scripted.  This means that the class has a set curriculum and a set pacing guide.  As a result, the class moves very quickly because there is a great deal of material that must be covered to help bring up the student reading scores.  From the time the bell rings to signal the start of class until the bell rings to dismiss class, the students are working.  Thus far, they have been focusing on different kinds of words [i.g. pronouns, compound words, and helping verbs] and sentence structure.  They have also begun to read a novel called The Contender.

On white days [2nd block], I work with a Sophomore Tier III English class. These are students who were in the Freshman Language class last year.  Their Tier III class is meant to provide extra support that will ideally enable them to be in a regular Junior English class next year.  -- As to date, the Sophomores have been working on plot structure [recognizing  the characters, rising action, high point, falling action, and resolution]. Mrs. Annette has been using short stories from the Grimm fairy-tales to help the students develop their skills. They are also working on compound sentence structure.

It is the sophomore class that Mrs. Annette and I have decide would be the best class for me to teach.  We have scheduled for me to teach October 10th through October 24th, a total of five class periods.  I do not yet know the subject over which I will teach.  Mrs. Annette is waiting for the books to come in.  Although I do not know the exact subject over which I will teach, I do know that I will have to integrate a program called Lexicon [*this is a pseudonym for the program as my Sophomores are a pilot group for the software] into two of my five teaching days. Lexicon is a computerized  reading intervention program that is meant to target the reading weaknesses of the students so that they can sharpen their skills.  Each student will have their own account that is specifically tailored to meet their individual needs. The Lexicon sessions will occur once a week during class and each session takes about 45 minutes [or half the class period]. -- Mrs. Annette is very excited about the program and she feels that it will prove to be a valuable resource for her students.  I share her enthusiasm for the program and am excited to have an opportunity to learn about Lexicon and see the program in action.

Although I feel that my semester at Redken is going well, I do have some things that I need to work on.  Learning students names is crucial and I have already had several name mix-ups!  Thankfully, I realize that this is a common scenario at the start of each new school year and I have confidence that my memory will improve as the semester progresses.  I am also adjusting to the early mornings. This is because I work full-time, single-parent a small child, and have a 45 commute each morning. I have also recently weened myself off of a very expensive Starbucks addiction.   Needless to say, Ms. Spears is tired!  But don't worry, I shall endure. Thank the Lord for the body's ability to adapt and thrive under stress. Here's to a less caffeinated semester and an enhanced memory as I continue my experiences at Redken.